Tanoris Posted October 5, 2022 Posted October 5, 2022 (edited) Michael_Palmieri Michael Palmieri is a 22 years old Italian-American mixed blood, born in July 20, 2000. Born and raised in a small neighborhood in Downtown Commerce, Los Santos. Michael is an only child in his family, his mother is working as a housemaid in Vinewood, and his father is raised to be a gangster, following the path of their great-grandfather. In his youth, Michael often got invited by his father in a meeting, mini gamble and other mob stuff, his father died when Michael was only 14 years old by a gunshot. Michael has a depression and anxiety on his teenage, he is very protective with his mother and also his blood-related family after that hit, Michael become very paranoid when he goes out around the neighborhood. Couple years has passed, and he's grown up man now, and went through the dark times. Day by day, Michael makes a lot of money with his partner in crime, Anthony Portelli in his 20s, Michael works for his mother in a small grocery store. In the otherside he hustling around with his friend, Anthony, in the night. He and Anthony makes a lot of cash by selling drugs in the neighborhood, extortion, killings, and other dirty stuff. But he didn't stop from that, a powerful man from the neighborhood once invited Michael and Anthony to work for them. Slanging drugs, smuggling guns, money laundering, labour union and stuff. Michael finally managed to buy a better place for his mother by his dirty money so his mother will live the rest of her life like she deserved, and then Michael managed to took over his mother's grocery store in the neighborhood and renovate it afterwards, he signed up his fellow acquaintance from the neighborhood to work in that grocery store. Michael and Anthony planned a house burglary not long ago, he went with his fellow guinea comrades from the old neighborhood to work for them and making a lot of score by that burglary, not few of his friend also got their asses busted by the LSPD, but that wont stop Michael and Anthony to performs another burglary, smuggling, and other stuff. Day by day, him and Anthony obtains a lot of connection in the city, one of them is an owner of a pawn shop store, him and Anthony sells their stolen products to that pawn shop, gaining a fair money and continues their hustle in Los Santos. Questions Character Story Pertama: No. Durasi bermain di JG:RP: 6 bulan - 1 tahun URL Namechange: Account UCP yang saya miliki: Tidak ada Account Forum yang saya miliki: Saya Tanoris selaku pemilik account UCP Garfield551 bersedia jika Character saya yang disebut di atas (Michael_Palmieri) dibanned permanent jika character story yang saya buat di atas berupa plagiat dari story milik orang lain. Edited October 7, 2022 by Tanoris benerin kalimat
lyphothetic Posted October 5, 2022 Posted October 5, 2022 Sebelum melanjutkan revisi, mohon dijawab pertanyaan di bawah ini: Apakah ini adalah pertama kali kamu membuat Character Story ? (Ya/Tidak) Sudah berapa lama kamu main JG:RP? ( Kurang dari 1 bulan / 1 - 3 bulan / 4 - 6 bulan / 6 bulan - 1 tahun / 1 tahun lebih / 3 tahun lebih / 5 tahun lebih ) Apakah character ini baru kamu buat atau baru melakukan prosess Namechange ? (Buat baru/Namechange) Apakah kamu memiliki account UCP selain yang kamu mainkan saat ini? (Ya/Tidak) Apakah kamu memiliki account Forum selain yang kamu pakai saat ini? (Ya/Tidak) Dimana tempat kamu bermain sekarang? (Di rumah / Di warnet) PENTING: Harap diperhatikan ketentuan dibawah ini! Menggunakan font yang mudah dibaca (Arial, Tahoma, atau Verdana). Font size: 14, dan jangan diberikan atribut berlebihan (Bold, Italic, atau Underline) Pastikan format penulisan Justify yaitu rata kanan-kiri menggunakan tombol pada toolbar di atas. Tidak boleh ada plagiarisme! ( Silahkan cari di internet untuk plagiarism checker, contoh: https://smallseotools.com/plagiarism-checker/ ) Ejaan, tanda baca, dan grammar harus sesuai dengan standar bahasa yang dipilih (Bahasa Indonesia atau English). Character story minimal harus memiliki 300 kata yang dipecah menjadi minimal 3 paragraph. Gunakan huruf kapital sesuai penempatan kata dan juga yang baik dan benar. Untuk mengubah story / cerita character kamu, gunakan feature edit yang sudah disediakan: Spoiler
Tanoris Posted October 5, 2022 Author Posted October 5, 2022 (edited) On 10/5/2022 at 2:45 PM, lyphothetic said: Sebelum melanjutkan revisi, mohon dijawab pertanyaan di bawah ini: Apakah ini adalah pertama kali kamu membuat Character Story ? (Ya/Tidak) Sudah berapa lama kamu main JG:RP? ( Kurang dari 1 bulan / 1 - 3 bulan / 4 - 6 bulan / 6 bulan - 1 tahun / 1 tahun lebih / 3 tahun lebih / 5 tahun lebih ) Apakah character ini baru kamu buat atau baru melakukan prosess Namechange ? (Buat baru/Namechange) Apakah kamu memiliki account UCP selain yang kamu mainkan saat ini? (Ya/Tidak) Apakah kamu memiliki account Forum selain yang kamu pakai saat ini? (Ya/Tidak) Dimana tempat kamu bermain sekarang? (Di rumah / Di warnet) PENTING: Harap diperhatikan ketentuan dibawah ini! Menggunakan font yang mudah dibaca (Arial, Tahoma, atau Verdana). Font size: 14, dan jangan diberikan atribut berlebihan (Bold, Italic, atau Underline) Pastikan format penulisan Justify yaitu rata kanan-kiri menggunakan tombol pada toolbar di atas. Tidak boleh ada plagiarisme! ( Silahkan cari di internet untuk plagiarism checker, contoh: https://smallseotools.com/plagiarism-checker/ ) Ejaan, tanda baca, dan grammar harus sesuai dengan standar bahasa yang dipilih (Bahasa Indonesia atau English). Character story minimal harus memiliki 300 kata yang dipecah menjadi minimal 3 paragraph. Gunakan huruf kapital sesuai penempatan kata dan juga yang baik dan benar. Untuk mengubah story / cerita character kamu, gunakan feature edit yang sudah disediakan: Reveal hidden contents 1. Tidak (Maaf min baru ingat kalau sudah pernah bikin char story di char sebelumnya) 2. 6 bulan - 1 tahun 3. Buat baru 4. Tidak 5. Tidak 6. Di rumah Edited October 6, 2022 by Tanoris justify
lyphothetic Posted October 7, 2022 Posted October 7, 2022 Baik ada beberapa revisi, antara lain sebagai berikut: On 5/10/2022 at 14.44, Tanoris said: neighbourhood Neighborhood. On 5/10/2022 at 14.44, Tanoris said: oftenly often On 5/10/2022 at 14.44, Tanoris said: in to ,karena keterangan kegiatan/tempat On 5/10/2022 at 14.44, Tanoris said: a depression gaperlu pakai "a" ,jatohnya pengulangan noun On 5/10/2022 at 14.44, Tanoris said: is ganti jadi "become" lebih merinci ke perubahan karena setelahnya ada kalimat penjelas perubahan dari sebelumnya "...when he goes out around the neighbourhood." On 5/10/2022 at 14.44, Tanoris said: he's grown up "..and he's grown up" On 5/10/2022 at 14.44, Tanoris said: went through "...and went through" On 5/10/2022 at 14.44, Tanoris said: on his 20s, "in" setiap keterangan umur/latar waktu yang diceritakan kembali (past tense) diganti dari "on" jadi "in" On 5/10/2022 at 14.44, Tanoris said: lauundering "laundering" u nya 1 aja. Selebihnya sudah sesuai dan dari cerita sudah bagus, hanya masih banyak kata "neighborhood" yang salah. Silahkan direvisi, terimakasih.
Tanoris Posted October 7, 2022 Author Posted October 7, 2022 10 hours ago, lyphothetic said: Baik ada beberapa revisi, antara lain sebagai berikut: Neighborhood. often to ,karena keterangan kegiatan/tempat gaperlu pakai "a" ,jatohnya pengulangan noun ganti jadi "become" lebih merinci ke perubahan karena setelahnya ada kalimat penjelas perubahan dari sebelumnya "...when he goes out around the neighbourhood." "..and he's grown up" "...and went through" "in" setiap keterangan umur/latar waktu yang diceritakan kembali (past tense) diganti dari "on" jadi "in" "laundering" u nya 1 aja. Selebihnya sudah sesuai dan dari cerita sudah bagus, hanya masih banyak kata "neighborhood" yang salah. Silahkan direvisi, terimakasih. Siap min, sudah saya koreksi
lyphothetic Posted October 9, 2022 Posted October 9, 2022 Accepted. Sorry for late respond and happy roleplaying! 1
lyphothetic Posted October 9, 2022 Posted October 9, 2022 Jogjagamers Reality Project Helper Team Character Story Dear @Tanoris I am writing to you in regards of your recently submitted character story, we have reviewed your character story and, as a result, have come to the decision to ACCEPT your request. Please read this guide to activate your character story In-Game via our UCP Website. We hope that you may use this character story to further develop your character. Sincerely,@lyphothetic JG:RP Helper Team
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