RyFAL Posted August 27, 2021 Posted August 27, 2021 (edited) Vellicius_Vennenico Introducing, the name is Vellicius Vennenico, the first child of his family. Vellicius lived alone in the USA, his parents has left him alone, they didn't care about him anymore since his childhood, he was left alone in the USA since the age of 4 years, after being left behind, Vellicius also lived with his friend named Carleon which his parents were very happy and also agreed to see his son playing with Vellicius, Vellicius was immediately offered to join Carleon's family, Vellicius could not refuse because he had no other way but to accept the offer. Since that time Vellicius was taken care of and lived with Carleon, they lived happily, until Vellicius reached the age of 17 with Carleon. Carleon's parents has already taking care of Vellicius since Vellicius's parents has already died because of an incident. At that time, Vellicius and Carleon were forced to live independently in the USA. They also lived a life without both parents, and it was unexpected that both of Vellicius parents returned to the USA and met Vellicius, at that time Vellicius didn't want to live with that person. Because he had decided not to live with his parents, and when Vellicius parents spoke to Vellicius, he asked "Why did you come back to me? You have dumped me since I was 4 years old, how can you come back again?" asked Vellicius. His parents answered "Your sister died because of a heart attack" replied her parents while shedding tears. Vellicius was shocked and could only pray for the best for his sister, and at that time, it was seen that both of Vellicius parents wanted to take care of Vellicius again, Vellicius quickly replied "No, I lived with my friend named Carleon" Vellicius replied. At that time, his parents thought that they regretted throwing away Vellicius when he was 4 years old, his parents could only stay silent and allowing his son to go live with his friend. One day, Vellicius was tired of living in the USA and he went to Las Venturas with Carleon, they live in Las Venturas in order to trying out some jobs in the city of San Andreas. They start their life and live in Fort Carson which is next to the city of Las Venturas. They also live happily ever after in Fort Carson while trying some jobs in the city of San Andreas. Questions Character Story Pertama: No Durasi bermain di JG:RP: 6 bulan - 1 tahun URL Namechange: https://jogjagamers.org/topic/180159-cn-jeremy_livingstone-to-vellicius_vennenico-ryfal/?tab=comments#comment-1754305 Account UCP yang saya miliki: RyFAL Account Forum yang saya miliki: RyFAL Saya RyFAL selaku pemilik account UCP RyFAL bersedia jika Character saya yang disebut di atas (Vellicius_Vennenico) dibanned permanent jika character story yang saya buat di atas berupa plagiat dari story milik orang lain. Edited August 31, 2021 by RyFAL salah tadi
$Folium$ Posted August 27, 2021 Posted August 27, 2021 Halo, saya Folium yang akan memeriksa Character Story kamu. Sebelumnya, saya ingin bertanya tentang beberapa hal. Apakah character yang kamu gunakan sudah mencapai level 3? Apakah kamu sudah memastikan bahwa Character Story kamu ini sudah berjumlah 300 kata? Sebutkan semua UCP yang kamu punya sejujur-jujurnya! Apakah kamu sudah baca ketentuan dari pembuatan Character Story dan siap menerima konsekuensinya jika melanggar? Jangan bump Character Story kamu, cukup tunggu, periksa kembali, dan cek ulang kata-kata pada Character Stories yang sudah kamu buat.
RyFAL Posted August 27, 2021 Author Posted August 27, 2021 (edited) Apakah character yang kamu gunakan sudah mencapai level 3? - Sudah Min. Apakah kamu sudah memastikan bahwa Character Story kamu ini sudah berjumlah 300 kata? - Sudah juga Min. Sebutkan semua UCP yang kamu punya sejujur-jujurnya! - Cuman ini min, RyFAL Apakah kamu sudah baca ketentuan dari pembuatan Character Story dan siap menerima konsekuensinya jika melanggar? - Siap min. @Folium Edited August 27, 2021 by RyFAL
$Folium$ Posted August 28, 2021 Posted August 28, 2021 Foto characternya tolong diganti ukurannya menjadi lebih kecil, itu terlalu besar. Pindahkan foto character kamu agar posisinya benar-benar di tengah. Quote Introducing, the name is Vellicius Vennenico, the first child of his family. Vellicius lived alone in the USA, Since childhood he was lived by his parents because Vellicius was a child who was not loved by his parents, he was left alone in the USA since the age of 4 years, After being left behind, Vellicius also lived with his friend named Carleon whose parents were very happy and agreed to see his son playing with Vellicius, when he first played Vellicius was immediately offered to join Carleon's family, Vellicius could not refuse because he had no other way but to accept the offer. Perhatikan penulisan yang di atas, penulisan tersebut adalah contoh yang salah. Setidaknya, kamu memberikan spasi yang lebih pada setiap awal kalimat dari sebuah paragraf, lihat pada contoh di bawah ini. Quote Introducing, the name is Vellicius Vennenico, the first child of his family. Vellicius lived alone in the USA, Since childhood he was lived by his parents because Vellicius was a child who was not loved by his parents, he was left alone in the USA since the age of 4 years, After being left behind, Vellicius also lived with his friend named Carleon whose parents were very happy and agreed to see his son playing with Vellicius, when he first played Vellicius was immediately offered to join Carleon's family, Vellicius could not refuse because he had no other way but to accept the offer. Berikan juga format Justify ( Rata Kanan-Kiri ) pada seluruh paragraf pada Character Story kamu. Lihat pada contoh yang di atas, terlihat rapi dan terstruktur dengan format Justify tersebut. Block terlebih dahulu semua paragrafnya, klik pada format yang paling kanan untuk mengaplikasikan format tersebut.
RyFAL Posted August 28, 2021 Author Posted August 28, 2021 (edited) Sudah min, silahkan di cek lagi ya.. @Folium Edited August 29, 2021 by RyFAL
$Folium$ Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: lived alone in the USA, Since childhood Jangan gunakan huruf kapital setelah tanda koma. On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: the age of 4 years, After being Jangan gunakan huruf kapital setelah tanda koma. On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: no doubt The two parents Kata "The" tidak memerlukan huruf kapital. On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: Vellicius no longer wanted to live with these two people. his parents, because he had Perbaiki kalimatnya. On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: came back? again ? Perbaiki penempatan tanda tanyanya.
$Folium$ Posted August 30, 2021 Posted August 30, 2021 On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: At that time his parents thought Tambahkan tanda koma setelah kata "parents". On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: resigned his son Kata "resigned" tolong diganti menjadi "allowing". On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: and they live in Las Venturas Hapus kata "and". On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: with the aim of trying out jobs in the city Tolong diubah menjadi "in order to trying out some jobs in the city". On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: Fort Carson while trying jobs Tambahkan kata "some" setelah kata "trying".
$Folium$ Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: At that time his parents, thought Maksud saya setelah kata "time", bukan setelah kata "parents". On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: both of Vellicius' Hapus tanda petiknya. On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: live with his biological parents On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: biological parents spoke On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: biological parents wanted to take care On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: biological parents had Hapus semua kata "biological". On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: and when Vellicius' Hapus tanda petiknya. On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: how come you came back? again? Ubah menjadi "how can you come back again?" On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: that both of Vellicius' Hapus tanda petiknya. On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: No.. I now live with Tolong diubah menjadi "No, I lived with". On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: Vellicius reached the age of 17 with Carleon, Akhiri dengan tanda titik, ubah tanda komanya. On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: no doubt The two parents who took care of Vellicius and Carleon's biological parents had an accident and both died. Ubah menjadi "Carleon's parents has already taking care of Vellicius since Vellicius's parents has already died because of an incident." On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: since childhood he was lived by his parents because Vellicius was a child who was not loved by his parents Ubah menjadi "his parents has left him alone, they didn't care about him anymore since his childhood". On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: whose parents were very happy and agreed Ubah menjadi "which his parents were very happy and also agreed". On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: when he first played Vellicius was immediately Hapus kata-kata "when he first played".
$Folium$ Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: at that time it was seen Tambahkan tanda koma setelah kata "time". On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: asked Vellicius. And his parents answered Kata "And" tolong dihapus, langsung masuk ke "his" dengan huruf kapital. On 8/27/2021 at 8:48 PM, RyFAL said: "Your sister.. Your sister died of a heart attack" Tolong diubah menjadi "Your sister died because of a heart attack".
RyFAL Posted August 31, 2021 Author Posted August 31, 2021 (edited) @FoliumDonee..!! plis min bilang semua aja jgn 1 1. Edited August 31, 2021 by RyFAL
$Folium$ Posted August 31, 2021 Posted August 31, 2021 Dear @RyFAL I am writing to you in regards of your recently submitted Character Story, we have reviewed your Character Story, and we have come to the decision to ACCEPT your request. Please read this guide to activate your Character Story In-Game via our UCP Website. We hope that you may use this Character Story to further develop your character. Sincerely, @Folium JG:RP Helper Team
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